Friday, May 12, 2017

I haven't blogged in a while

Suddenly today on messenger I received a link to a blog post from a very very old friend. I haven't blogged in a while but when she said that she started blogging because of me, it got me through this rush of emotions and nostalgia. I never expected this day to come, for the little efforts I did to express myself on internet, would someday somehow trigger someone to write a blog. We often find ourselves meaningless, in this vast era of super connected overlaps of virtual and real. But then how beautiful and magical it is that we get glimpses of that meaning through seemingly unexpected cracks and glitches.

What I like about when I visit this blog, now-a-days in much lower frequencies, what feels seemingly difficult to explain in words is related to the fact that I have changed so much, but my blog remains the same.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Freaky coincidences and parallel dreams

Ghosts of my new succinct dreams-
You my dear, you!
Oh dilemma oh my heart
Sarcasmistic freak realistic
True but it's true

Truth I love you, truth I'm scared
- said my friend in a long lost day
Post afternoon
Shades are real, dreams are real,
Doldrums recurring in fortune!

Did I swallow more than I chew?
Did horses ride and bring marshmallow?
Oh my dreams of troubled hearts
It's a pity I think of you! You! You!

There's nothing new on this earth
Would you explore if you knew?
A city dreaded folded scolded and squashed
In its own arrogant views.
Oh give me some news, give me some new!

And nights go by, like millions lights
Years yearn to let go by,
They again rebuild you
They again rebuild you
And they again rebuild you!

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Constant state of dilemma

I have a lot of things to write about, events, thoughts and realizations, but here in Delhi over the last few months I have not been able to obtain a quiet and peaceful state of mind that allows me to relax and organize my thoughts. What's even worse is that I am getting habituated with this constant state of dilemma, and not even trying to put a real effort in cooling things down in my head and do things one by one. I am letting it be, I am letting happenings happen and consume time the way it may, floating my self in the eddy current of what life is offering me here in this new city.
It's high time now that I start to focus.
I realized it is important it is to have your own space, not in physicality only, but with yourself. Socializing, undoubtedly is a noble idea. But this constant state of staying socialized is detrimental for people like me who loves the idea of themselves as a free thinker. Free thinking requires you to be free. Free from WhatsApp messages, free from Facebook pings, free from knocks on doors, from phone calls, from a unrelenting pressure of curriculum, and a continuum of things that consume real time and tire your brain.
It is important to be critical. It is very important to pick a side. Diplomacy, the middle ground, here and there, such ideas are good for survival, but these doesn't let you live.
All my thoughts are getting jumbled up day by day in a inter tangled web of confusion and it is becoming increasingly difficult to demystify what it is to do, write or draw about. I was wrong about thinking that Delhi as a soul less city. In fact it has one, or many perhaps, but it's not as joyful and expressive like kolkata. It's not mechanical, but rather melancholic, not the poetic one of kolkata, but a real deep dark melancholy, a sorrow, celebrating life as a constant flow and proposing an indifference to it. Delhi doesn't want you to fall in love with her. Delhi is difficult, Delhi is harsh, Delhi is extreme. I can read faces in the metro, by day and by night, the people in the constant saga of their individual lives that build up this gigantic megalopolis bit by bit, a satisfaction in not knowing, a content in not asking, a comfort in the convention, an indifference towards pain and prosperity - a portraiture of void. Delhi will give you the what .. But never the why and that she does consciously, willingly and endlessly. You just have to do it.
This is Delhi, not all soulless but a soul with less of charm.
For people like me, born and brought up kolkata, full of warmth, chatter and coziness, over sensitive towards how you say something than what you say, finding peace in love affection and comfort, ease in good company, Delhi is indeed tough. Though I've been complaining about personal space here, the city actually offers you the ultimatum of it, something too strong to gulp - you in the city, and the city indifferent to your existence !

Friday, July 10, 2015

Untitled

Its 4.19 am and its raining here in Kolkata. It has been so since last evening. Rain has a curious way to play with your emotions; and in this case I have been continuously and repeatedly drawn into how exactly my life shall change in less than half a month from now.

My recent achievements include being a topper in our undergraduate thesis (which is why I took a sabbatical from blogging !), passing my five year long Bachelor of Architecture course with first class and honours, getting a decent job offer from a company slightly related to architecture, and also getting an opportunity to continue my studies by joining the prestigious Masters of Urban Design program at School of Planning and Architecture, Delhi. But if you count falling in love as an achievement then of course put it on top of the list!

Yes. I am moving to Delhi.

Classes to begin shortly.

In my mind I have always been Robinson Crusoe. Alexander Supertramp has always been none other than me. But honestly and frankly as always, I am a bit hung up with the fact that finally I'll be leaving Kolkata, my home city. It is not that I am a kolkata freak or something. There are many people who are obsessed with the history of Kolkata and there are boasting south-kolkatans who say they know north-kolkata like the palm of their hand and of course knowing south-kolkata is not something really remarkable and blah blah... but I just simply love kolkata. And if you ask me, even as a future student of Urban Design I don't know kolkata as much as I should. And I don't regret that because I love this city, and part of the love lies in not knowing it fully, but in just discovering it everyday.

But you must be asking that are you more worried about your city rather than your new girlfriend or your family?

I would say yes. Because today in the age of this overdone super connectivity we can talk with people almost whenever we want to. But how do we keep in touch with a city by not visiting it everyday? How do I soak into the cacophony of the auto rickshaws and the buses? How do I experience the smell of chicken roll and rain soaked t-shirts ?That is not possible yet. And hence, yes, I'm more worried about Kolkata.

Probably that's all for today. Good to be back here. It was probably a good idea not to delete the blog during this hiatus.

Friday, July 11, 2014

People around me

Sometimes I feel, people around me, are like websites. Some you come across regularly, regardless of whether you want or not. Some you love and yearn to visit; some you stumble upon occasionally. Each of them contain a very specific set of information, which they update time to time; they greet you in the same manner, sometimes their looks change. They interact with you, and depending on your response they respond; sometimes involves you for further interaction; sometimes to get rid off. This strange analogy struck my mind today when I suddenly came across an old friend. He was my schoolmate, but we never had much intimacy. I just happened to know him, that's all.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Else, why ?

I am blogging after a long long time. Pardon the chaos. 


Of all things I fear absurdity. I am afraid of meaninglessness. Sometimes when you find everything is okay, everything is running smooth, every note is perfectly tuned, all at once, you know something is wrong, you know you have hit the doldrums, the stale time, the time without the gust, no wind, none at all to sail. I fear that. That is my worst nightmare.
Everything cannot be right. Something must be wrong. Something must be incomplete. Some must fall, some must go out of tune. It should happen, to make all go right. That's the essence of life. Or else, why ?
Now you may say I am a regular pessimist obsessed with finding problems. But no, look at it deeply. You are not the one who creates the ripple of mistakes ? So no need to worry, or feel guilty. You are not the one, perhaps, who is directly affected by it. But you are the one who finds it. You are the one who addresses it. You are the one who acknowledges it. And try to solve it.
You are the designer. You are the manipulator of time. Congratulations!
Now today in this world, the way we stand and do things, can I dare to ask one very deeply rooted fundamental aspect of life ? Shall we design at all ?
Of course we should. Else, how would we solve the problems that bother us ? Design makes a better tomorrow, isn't it ?

Is it ?

Are you living a happier life than your father ?

Impacts of all arguments can always be diluted by introducing the term 'relative'. 'Design makes a better living?' - what is better ? Better is a relative term, with respect to what ?

Darwin said about the survival of the fittest. Of course life is a battlefield. Well, first of all is it at all a battlefield ? If yes, then lets talk about the relation between survival and design. Design should make your life better. Which means it should make you fitter for survival. That means more and more people will be fitter in the battle of life. Wow ! That sounds great! But wait, if more people are fitter, then who would survive ?

Design makes our life easy. And an easy life is hard to live.

Of all things I fear absence of a problem. If you don't have a problem, you are not doing anything. If you are not doing anything, are you living at all ?

But if you are in love, well, then you are not looking for problems to solve anymore perhaps...since all your problems have been solved already....trying to look for one again, would be yet another problem for you.

We need problems. Else, why ?

Monday, November 4, 2013

Weird Evening deep sleep

These things happen occasionally. Sleeping in the evening - from 5pm to 10pm and waking up - just to realize you are starving - and Ma has kept tea for you - cold, without sugar, without milk. The cup tells that it needed a little warmth, a nice little chat with Ma; she is busy now, and informs you in a strikingly angry manner - tea is there, have it with milk. Now you realize, it has been a sleep too deep, two missed call from your cousins, who cannot come tomorrow for bhai-phonta (is there a English for it?). and your father is out of town, so Ma was wanting this evening tea with you - only knowing for fact that such days are counted - in a year or so - you have to make your own tea, and Ma will have tea with herself only.

However, like they say in popular Hindi films, the easiest job in the world is to comfort your mother, but its not your excellent charming character, its her power to absorb little hard things.

Thus you wake up after you wake up, a nice addicting mild headache and with a romantic neck pain, only to know again, you slept without pillows.

We owe so much to our computers, and our internet connection; without it - what would you do ? You hit the space bar and it reveals - facebook is always there, and unfortunately your torrents were seeding for the last few hours. I think we owe it to Mark Zuckerburg too.

Its weird - the life as it is - sudden moments of absolute amazing freshness - but no work to do. Updates and Notifications - of what ? oh why ?

The night draws in with the random blasts of left over crackers to tell you, you are alive , and you wake up after you wake up. . .